Goodbye

I am leaving early tomorrow morning to fly to Illinois where I will get on a bus which will take me to a camp in Wisconsin. I will be spending a week there, and then I will go back to Wheaton’s campus where I will begin orientation. Classes start after orientation. While I am at the camp I will not have access to the internet or a phone, so this will be my last blog post for a little while.
If you have worked with me in plays or TeenPact or book club you know that I have a tendency to be a little worried that I am not prepared for whatever I need to do. I tend to think that I did not spend enough time working on my lines, or that I should have printed extra copies of a certain paper, or that I was not very clear when I explained to another person what they were supposed to do. By the front door I have a duffel bag, a large suitcase and a backpack. All three are filled with various items that I think I will need with me when I leave. There are probably some things that are already packed that I will not really need, and there are other things that I have not packed yet that I really should pack (I think I would miss my toothbrush a lot). If I know myself, even after I am on the plane I will still be wondering about what I left behind that would have come in handy. Maybe I’m right to worry. After all, in all probability, I will not see anything that I leave behind for several months. I know that I am capable of forgetting important things and I would not be a bit surprised if I did forget something important and shockingly obvious. It really is not an unreasonable fear.
There is just one problem, in the last few days, I think there have been three different times that I have either read or heard in a song or heard someone say that “God is all I need.” I said it myself along with the song. Then, I thought about it. If someone asked me what I need, I would give them a long list. It would be pretty similar to the list of things by my front door right now, and it would include a few other things like air, water, food and people. The idea that God would take care of me even if I boarded the plane tomorrow with only the clothes on my back seems ridiculous. However, it really comes down to a question of which I trust more, God or my duffel bag. Maybe that sounds like a dumb question, but when I really think about it, that question really bothers me because I know I put a lot of faith in my duffel bag’s ability to get me through the week.
I know all the answers. God wants me to do more than get through the week. He wants me to know him better next week than I did this week, and He is way more than able to make it happen. He also can give me everything I need to survive next week, even the things I might forget to put in my duffel bag. There is still something in me that doubts. It wants to worry about packing my duffel bag until it is overflowing with things I do not need. It makes me want to reach in my pocket to make sure my wallet is still there every few minutes. It makes me want to put my duffel bag at my feet where I can see that no one else with a similar bag will carry it off the plane. My head is on track, I do not know where the rest of me is. I can only hope that something in my head finds a chink in the armor of that other something in me.
There is one more thing I need to say. When I leave for the next few months, I will be leaving behind more than my house. I will also be leaving most of my friends here. I have had some great friends over the years. Some have come and gone, others I still see at least once a week. I can’t say how each of them has impacted me. I just know God has blessed me far beyond what I deserve. This blog is meant mainly for you. So I thank you and I thank God for you. I guess it is time to say goodbye now. I will be back, but until then, stay in touch. I would love your comments, mail, e-mail, etc. sorry, tweets and profile pics do not count. May you all farewell.
Romans 15:13.