Homesick

    I’ve never entirely understood what the word “homesick” meant.  When I was younger, sickness meant a mixture of physical discomforts and disabilities.  It meant running noses, headaches, soreness, exhaustion, etc.  I still think of sickness in a similar way, but when I was younger I could not imagine how not being in a certain place could make someone feel physically sick.  I do remember missing home while on vacation and wondering if that was homesickness.  That may have been why I had trouble understanding homesickness: I had experienced sickness and I had experienced missing home, but in my experience there was very little connection between them.  In the time since then, both ideas have grown closer to each other.  As a child, when I was sick I don’t particularly remember longing to be well.  More recently, when I am sick I spend a significant portion of my time remembering what it felt like to be well and wishing I could be well.

    Sometimes in class, sometimes in a conversation, and sometimes walking across campus, I have had a sudden, vivid memory of a particular location.  The odd thing about it is that most of the time, it isn’t “home.”  It is not necessarily my room or my house or even a place that I would list as one of particular significance or emotional attachment.  It may be Freestone Park, the parking lot of Sam’s Club or Fiesta mall.  Somehow, even though that place does not seem to hold any particular meaning to me, I feel an intense longing to be there, not to do anything particular there, merely to be there.  You might say that this is merely my sub-conscious telling me to go somewhere warmer.  That may be part of it.  (As a side note, I have learned a few things about cold weather.  One: it is not hard to freeze hair, just walk outside with slightly damp hair and wait fifteen seconds.  Two: hoodies and beanies were not invented just to look cool.  Three: there are two ways to get rid of a farmer’s tan.)  But there's something about those familiar places that is comfortable and inviting.  Even though Wheaton is more comfortable than it used to be, it does not have the same level of memories and emotional attachment that places in Arizona do.