Appearance

    What do you think of me? What do you think of my hair, clothes, decisions, purchases, habits, speech?  Do you care what you think about me?  Probably less than I do.  It's almost like I have a responsibility to myself to carefully shape everyone's opinions about me.  Or maybe it's a responsibility to everyone else.  Should I shower because I want to protect you from unpleasant odors or because I don't want a reputation as a slob?
  I tend to be very aware of other's opinions of me.  Whenever I say something my subconscious kicks into gear and watches all the reactions around me. When I tell a funny story, even if it wasn’t meant merely as a joke, I feel self conscious and slightly embarrassed if no one laughs.  After I leave a conversation, I often think back to any awkward parts and replay them multiple times to think of how I could have communicated my point better. When I write a blog post, I generally pause for several seconds before I press publish and think about who will be reading the post and whether I should actually publish it. I still have some unpublished posts on my computer, mostly because they just aren't very interesting, but partly because I’m not sure what people would think if they read them.
  Maybe image is important. Having other people think well of you can't be a bad thing. It allows others to trust us and accept us.  What if we knew everyone's dark secrets? If we knew all the ways they were likely to let us down, we probably wouldn't give them the chance. Maybe we would. We know that everyone makes mistakes. Would it really make a difference if we knew specifically what mistakes those were? Here's a question: if we knew what mistakes we made ourselves how would that affect our self-image?  I know I have a blind spot for my mistakes.  I used to try to confess my sins as part of my regular prayer routine and would just sit still for a few minutes trying to think of recent sins to confess.  I couldn't think of anything.  Obviously I had. I honestly tried to remember my sins, but they just wouldn't come to me.  I think my idea of sin was off too, but I'll get to that in another post. The point is, we don't really see ourselves as we are.  Even people with poor self-image think of themselves poorly for the wrong reasons.  When I look backwards with minimal bias, I notice questionable  motives that I would have denied  vehemently at the time.  I think that if we understood our own motives and actions we would be more understanding of others. And if we gave others the benefit of the doubt regarding their motives, meanwhile realizing realistically that their motives likely aren't pure, but that it isn't our place to judge them if they aren't. How many conflicts could we avoid and how many broken relationships could be repaired if we kept this perspective?